Dad offers to watch his 2 young kids for the day, huffs and puffs when his wife doesn't prepare dinner: 'Why can't you just do it, I helped all day with the kids'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Jul 17, 2024 4:00 PM EDT

The question of division of labor within the home is a debate that will never end. In theory, it makes sense for one person to fully do the job that makes money while the other person does the job that maintains your home and life. That's all well and good if you're a couple made up of a richie and a responsible stay-at-home girlfriend, but if you have kids, there needs to be less clear-cut split of labor. It's no secret that stay-at-home moms who get no help from their husbands with housework or raising children are bound to resent their situation. Even in relationships where both parents work, women are more likely to have to do the majority of the housework because of irresponsible dads. One father decided to give his wife a break for the day by taking care of the kids, but little did she know this break didn't cover the whole day.

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    via lucas Favre

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    AITA for telling my husband taking the kids for the day isn't "help"
    via u/shesMayB_me
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    I'm a stay at home mom of 2 young kids. My husband works, sometimes long hours..so I am usually in charge of the day to day routines/schedules/activities, cooking meals, etc. It works out for us. He is taking this week off, and decided he would take the kids for today (all day) He told me I deserve a day to relax as this week is our "vaca" for the summer. I ran some errands, and while out I spoke with my husband
    via u/shesMayB_me
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    briefly about dinner. He asked if I would be home for dinner, to which I replied yes. When I got home, his first question was "what are we doing for dinner" and I told him I assumed he would have already figured that out, seeing as it's getting close to bed time for the kids. He said there was no food in the house and would go out to the store to grab groceries.. at this point it's getting late, so I told him to just order food.
    via u/shesMayB_me
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    He did (begrudgingly) and asked why I was so irritated and why I couldn't just do it, he said he “helped all day with the kids” .... When I told him it's not help, he's their dad and it's part of his job, he lost it and told me I'm being an . Am i wrong for saying that? Am I the ?
    via u/shesMayB_me
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    kiwihoney 16 hr. ago NTA. This idea that dads watching the kids equates to "babysitting" or "helping out mom" instead of dads simply doing their jobs as fathers has got to go.
    via u/kiwihoney
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    You are absolutely 100 correct here. Time to have a serious sit down with your husband to talk about parental responsibilities and equity in the parental load. Yes, you are a stay-at-home mom but you are working all day, just like he is. He should stay home with the kids alone all day for 5 days in a row while you go out of the house during his normal office hours. Give him a list of
    via u/kiwihoney
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    everything that you do during the weekdays (kid stuff of course but also cleaning, shopping, scheduling, activities, cooking dinner, etc). At the end of those five days, sit down together and discuss what his days were like - I guarantee he will understand that you are truly working and he won't be so glib with his whole "helping with the kids" routine. He needs to get some perspective, compassion and empathy.
    via u/kiwihoney
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    LouisV25 16 hr. ago Yep. It's why 80% of divorces are filed by women. The work load is heavy enough without the gaslighting, deflection, anger, and silent treatment. Women just get exhausted and emotionally checkout. When she's done, men are shocked. It's sad really.
    via u/LouisV25
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    Environmental_Art591. 15 hr. ago Yup. Men can't seem to realise that Divorce and custody arrangements actually makes things easier/lighter for the mums because now they can plan around themselves and literally not have to clean up after another adult. Plus, split custody gives them guaranteed time away from the kids (I said easier not easy just so we are clear).
    via u/Environmental_Art591
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    Tulipsarered. 11 hr. ago I remember an "I messed up" type post where the writer basically asked his wife what she'd do if he wasn't around, because he thought he did his fair share. (He expected her to remind him each week when he had to pick up his daughter from an activity that was at the same day and time every. I. week. ) That was her lightbulb moment and she filed for divorce. They had 50/50 custody.
    via u/Tulipsarered
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    After his week with the kids, she looked like she'd spent the week at a spa. He spent his child-free week catching up on stuff he couldn't get done when the kids were there. Her mental and physical load decreased; his increased. He then realized how much she was doing; and the mental load she was carrying on top of that; but there was no way she was going back.
    via u/Tulipsarered
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    biancastolemyname. 12 hr. ago I've argued about this with so many men who think just because they've been at work and mom's a stay at home parent, she should be responsible for the nighttime routine and weekends too because that's his time off and he needs it to relax. My response is always "Please tell me what other job has you working 12 to 15 hour shifts 7 days a week, with no breaks, no days off and stand-by night shifts every night."
    via u/biancastolemyname
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    But even the men who do actually want to contribute and participate, they were still raised (unconciously) to lean heavily on the women in their lives. My father in law was an amazing man who raised my husband to be an amazing man and it has still been a learning curve. My husband's first instinct was to ask me everything, even if it was well-intentioned: "So what can I do around the house when you're at work?" "I wouldn't know. Because I'll be at work."
    via u/biancastolemyname
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    "What time should we leave tomorrow?" "Was it not in the calender?" "Dunno" "then why don't you have a look." It really took me saying "Now why do you think I like being the general manager of my own home?" to make him understand and still sometimes it takes a reminder. "The kids really need a haircut soon" How about you make them an appointment then? Are you waiting for me to do it? Do you think haircuts magically happen?
    via u/biancastolemyname
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    Alternative_Tone_697 · 15 hr. ago As a father, I say NTA. My children are all grown now, but when they were young I took care of them as much as my wife. We both did laundry, dishes, and kept things moving throughout the day. While my wife did most of the cooking, I definitely took my turn.
    via u/Alternative_Tone_697
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    Once I was shopping with my children without my wife. Another man who was shopping with his wife and kids looked at me and asked, "You got stuck babysitting today?" My response was that I NEVER babysit my children. I take care of them, I raise them and I am part of their lives. The grin on his face dropped away and me mumbled something like "I was only joking" as he walked away. Men in America need to step up and be active parents, not just bystanders in the lives of their children
    via u/Alternative_Tone_697
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    Puzzled Upstairs8189 · 14 hr. ago Men will only be accountable until other men make them accountable. I'm not praising you for parenting your kids, but I am praising you for calling out the misogyny and BS. My husband loves being a dad and taking care of his son.
    via u/PuzzledUpstairs8189
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    Mukduk_30. 15 hr. ago long NTA but I don't get how people are signing up for this life. Mom stays home and dad works hours and doesn't understand how to parent his own kids and then the marriage breaks down due to resentment and mom is stuck because she's financially dependent on a a misogynist then the man cries about how women are gold diggers because they require alimony after doing All The Things so dad could work and come home and put his feet up. Like ? You need and deserve better. Our kid
    via u/Mukduk_30

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housework kids mother crazy things parents say marriage-drama parenting dad dinner little kids mom Parenting Fail parents Father Parenting FAILS
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